A Plea
As I sit outside I am trying to reconcile this gorgeous fall day with the text message a colleague just sent me. Another young person committed suicide this week on a college campus. Depression and anxiety among teens and young people is at an all-time high. Last year, I felt like it was an almost daily or weekly occurrence that I was hearing about some beautiful young person’s decision to end their life. Our local high schools have had multiple suicides, and small colleges with only a few thousand students had more than one death. This is beyond horrifying and we are not talking about it enough. In an article, in The Atlantic, last spring Why are American Teens so Sad? the author, Derek Thompson, attributes this to 4 main reasons: social media use; sociality is down; the world is stressful—and there is more news about the world’s stressors; and modern parenting strategies. This same article in the Atlantic says:
In the past 40 years, American parents—especially those with a college degree—have nearly doubled the amount of time they spend coaching, chauffeuring, tutoring, and otherwise helping their teenage children. The economist Valerie Ramey has labeled this the “rug rat race.” High-income parents in particular are spending much more time preparing their kids for a competitive college admissions process. When I interviewed Ramey about her work in 2019, she told me that she “couldn’t believe the amount of pressure our friends were putting on their kids to get ready for college.
I cannot comment on all of these things, but I am the parent of three sons, and I speak to a lot of parents. I also work with students and their parents during one of the most stressful times of their young lives, applying to college. I see this pressure every day in large and small ways. My boys are older now, with our youngest set to graduate in the spring, but I am guilty of unconsciously putting that same pressure on our children. I try very hard not to add to the stress on our students. We focus much more on “fit’ than prestige or selectivity. With that said, I am writing with a plea. PLEASE, parents, get your children out now to visit some of their likely (likely to get into) colleges in person. Put effort and energy into exploring this college. Book a great place to stay, plan a fun activity and eat breakfast at the place where all the students go. Go out of your way to try the special ice cream store or donut shop. Get CURIOUS; this blog post from UIUC Admissions has some great questions to ask. Get EXCITED about this college and try to help your child get EXCITED about this college too. I visit a LOT of colleges, some highly rejective and some highly acceptant. I promise you that all have pros and cons, and I fall in love with each and every one of them. You and your children will too.
I am not saying students should not take their shot at some harder to get into colleges. They should, but EVERY acceptance should be celebrated. So go off and enjoy the gorgeous weather. Book some college tours, maybe up north, where you can see the beautiful fall foliage. Just remember, as my colleague and friend Meg Joyce says, “LEAD WITH YOUR LIKELIES!’